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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24515251">Missing You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryLestrange/pseuds/MaryLestrange'>MaryLestrange</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Loathing [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Friday - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Decisions, Barnroe - Freeform, Becky is very oblivious, Becky's POV, Dancing, F/F, Fighting, Guilt, Party, Regret, they're in community college now, when she starts stepping out of oblivious zone she pushes herself back to it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:46:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24515251</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryLestrange/pseuds/MaryLestrange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"She'd share her thoughts, be a friend, stick with me until the end. Watch a movie, roller-skate, fill the world with fear and hate..."</p><p>Becky is feeling alone. Tom has gone to the army and her friendship with Linda is ruined, because apologizing doesn't work with an unforgiving cold bitch like Linda.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Becky Barnes &amp; Linda Monroe, Becky Barnes &amp; Tom Houston, Becky Barnes/Linda Monroe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Loathing [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Missing You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It was so hard to write Becky's pov! Im hope it's at least passable</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Becky Barnes was feeling lonely. She should be getting used to it by now, but it still sting. </p><p><em> That's why you are so weak </em>. Why the self-depreciating voice on her head sounded like Linda? She couldn't even take that vicious bitch out of her head. </p><p>It's been little over a year since that final fight they had in High School, plenty of time to move on, but it wasn't easy as it seemed. High School was over, Becky was in community college now, and every time she saw people she knew from school, she couldn't help but notice they seemed to have flipped a switch. </p><p>Everything was different in college, the social dynamics, the priorities, the routines. And sometimes it was invigorating, to be able to focus on this new life, but… it was like everyone around her moved on from the times in High School, while she was still hung up on her ex boyfriend and her ex best friend. </p><p>About five months ago, not long before their graduation, Tom left to serve the army. Becky swore she would wait for him forever, and she was waiting. But it was so hard! Tom was such a big part of her life in the last year, she didn't know what to do with herself without him. He wasn't just a boyfriend, he was also a friend. </p><p>With him, she could talk about all her secrets, fears and insecurities without being judged. With him, she could let loose and show her sillier side, and they had so much fun together. He was always kind and supportive, and she loved to feel how much he loved her. With Tom by her side, she could almost forget how much she missed Linda. </p><p>It was weird, how Linda's personality was basically opposite to Tom's, but there was something in common about how she saw them, something Becky couldn't exactly pinpoint. It was probably something about trust. Yes, they were the only people she truly trusted. That's why she was feeling so alone lately. Even though she was usually surrounded by colleagues, and people were generally nice to her, none of them were actually friends, she couldn't be completely open to them like she was with Linda or Tom. </p><p>So she tried talking to Linda, a few months back. The blonde was in community college too, and though they didn't have any classes together, sometimes they would cross paths in the corridors. Linda always pretended she didn't see her, but that day Becky decided to reach out. </p><p>"Hey, Linda!" she called just after the girl passed by her, and Linda stopped in her tracks. With her back to the redhead, she visibly took a deep breath and, without looking back, started walking again. "Linda, wait!"</p><p>She didn't, but Becky went after her, and it didn't take much to get by her side and step slightly in front of her, making her stop again.</p><p>"Oh. You." she said, with pure disdain in her voice, as if she had just noticed something disgusting stuck in her shoes. </p><p>Her eyes scrutinized Becky from head to toe, as if she was judging everything about her. How could a simple look make her feel so vulnerable? With just that, Becky was already questioning her own clothes and make up, and wondering if her hair wasn't messy or something like that. She had to consciously stop herself from thinking like that and focusing on what she had to say. </p><p>"Yeah, me. Can we talk?" she crossed her arms, in a week attempt at feeling less vulnerable around Linda's strong hostile energy.</p><p>The blonde let out a sigh and looked at her watch. "I have a class in three minutes, Barnes, so make it quick. What do you want?"</p><p>"I want… I want to say that I miss you." she looked down as she said that, unable to look her in the eyes. </p><p>A second passed in silence, whatever else she wanted to say got stuck in her throat.</p><p>"That's it? Ok, have fun missing me." </p><p>Linda's dismissive tone was infuriating, and the blonde started to walk again, as if saying the conversation was over. But Becky wasn't done, and before she went beyond reach, the redhead grabbed her arm, making her stop and look back.</p><p>"Wait. I'm sorry, ok? For being an asshole back in High School." </p><p>It wasn't easy to swallow her pride and say that, but she did, this time looking her straight in the eyes. She wasn't fool enough to think Linda would accept her apologies with open arms, but the high pitched sarcastic laugh the blonde gave wasn't exactly the reaction Becky was expecting.  </p><p>"It took you a whole year to regret?" the stinger in her voice made Becky's face flush with shame.</p><p>"No, actually, but every time I get near you, you come at me with your attitude straight to the jugular!" she complained. </p><p>It was, really, so hard to her close to Linda! It's like her walls were up all the time, very tall and thick walls made of arrogance, sarcasm and passive aggressiveness. Even back when they were friends, it was hard having a conversation without getting sidetracked by bickering, just because Linda would always say something that made her angry. It became much worse after their fight, when every time she acknowledged Becky's existence, it was to be mean to her.</p><p>"Did you expect me to act any different? Honestly?" she had a point.</p><p>"No, but--" </p><p>"Then it's no excuse! So don't try to blame me for your late apologies, Barnes." the disdain in Linda's voice hurt, even more because she was actually right. And the only thing worse than Linda being right, was having to admit it. But she had to, so once again Becky swallowed her pride. </p><p>"You're right, I'm sorry." </p><p>She noticed her hand was still holding Linda's arm, and the blonde kept slightly glancing at it from time to time. Figuring it was making her uncomfortable, Becky let it go, and the shorter girl put her hands in her hips in an arrogant pose. She had a big enough ego without being told she was right, and Becky hated to make it even bigger. </p><p>"But… I can't change the past, Linda. All I can do is try to fix it now. I really miss you." she was being sincere, so seeing Linda scoff and roll her eyes dismissively made her blood boil.</p><p>"You can miss me all you want, it won't fix anything." She sounded like nothing could change her mind, but Becky had to try.</p><p>"Why--" she barely got the chance to finish that word. It looked like something snapped in Linda, her cool and composed demeanor becoming aggressive, like she lost her patience.</p><p>"Because this is <em> not </em> one of the stupid fights we had in school about cheer practice and things like that! This was real, Becky!" she took a step closer to Becky as she said that, looking very intimidating, even being much shorter than her. But the taller girl was used to that and met her gaze in the same level.</p><p>"I know! And I know I screwed up, this is why I'm here saying <em>I'm</em> <em>sorry</em>!" it was almost weird, Linda being angry and she not, considering their dynamic was usually the other way around.</p><p>"But you're not! You're not really sorry, Becky Barnes, not for what you done to me. You might be kinda regretting it now, but just because your precious Tom is gone and you're feeling lonely." </p><p>Becky actually took a step back when she said that, feeling those words like a punch in her face. The worst thing was… it was true, to a certain extent. But she did miss their friendship, she missed being around that infuriating girl. </p><p>"No, Linda, I--"</p><p>"Don't try to lie to me!" Linda took another step closer, and Becky could see the anger and hurt in her eyes. "I won't be a rebound to no one! I know I look perfect and cold but I'm not a fucking plastic doll you can play friends with when you don't have a boyfriend!"</p><p>Her voice was low, almost a hiss, but Becky was close enough to hear it, and to see that she just wasn't screaming because they were in the middle of a corridor. </p><p>"Linda…"</p><p>"Shut up! There's nothing you can say to fix it, Barnes. I told you then that I wasn't coming back, and I didn't change my mind. Goodbye."</p><p>She turned around and walked away, not looking back even once. Becky stood there for a whole minute, dumbstruck, trying to process it all.</p><p> </p><p>It's been four months since that fight, enough time for it to down on her that the friendship they had would never come back. The lighthearted banter, the laughter, their way of ending fights with hugs that got Linda flushed, the implicit trust and care masked by rivalry, the rare displays of affection… all that was gone. All that was left was the hatred, and their fights would never end with hugs again. </p><p>It was hard, realising she hurt her friend that much. Linda always looked so tough that it was easy to forget she could get hurt, but it was Becky's fault for forgetting it.The guilt for doing it sting her, but also… why did Linda had to be so stubborn and not take her apologies? </p><p>Everybody makes mistakes, right? So, everybody deserves a second chance. That's what Becky believed, but apparently not Linda. No, she refused to forgive, she'd rather harbour all that hatred and let her heart become stone in the process. It was her own choice, so be it, Becky wouldn't care anymore. At least she'd try not to. </p><p>They were back to ignoring each other whenever they crossed paths, and it sucked. At least keeping Tom out of her mind was easier. Of course, she worried a lot about him, and missed him all the time, but at least she didn't have to see him every other week and pretend he wasn't there. At least the distance between them was forced by circumstance, not caused by Becky's mistakes. </p><p> </p><p>Her first semester on college was over, and the students had a big party on the beach to celebrate it. They made a big bonfire, and the seniors burned some symbols of their time in there to mark the passage to undergrad. </p><p>Becky was there with a group of her colleagues, celebrating the start of their much needed vocations. They were dancing and having fun, until she saw Linda there, dancing as well, a few feet away. </p><p>The blonde turned her head to look at her almost immediately after Becky saw her, like there was some kind of magnetic force between them. They locked eyes, but otherwise didn't acknowledge each other, they just kept dancing like nothing was wrong. </p><p>Becky should have looked away, she didn't know why she didn't. Maybe it was because she had enough beers not to care anymore. How could a gaze from feets away be so intense to bind her like that? She felt like the world narrowed to the two of them, locked in that stare. </p><p>Weirdly enough, it reminded her of a party in sophomore year, when she pulled Linda to dance with her in the hopes of impressing a crush she had at that time. She wasn't even sure why that memory popped in her mind, since that dance has been basically the opposite to this one. </p><p>Then, she's pulled Linda close, she's taken her by the hand to spin her around, held her by the waist to coordinate the movement of their hips… Then they were so close, and now they were a world apart. Then they were friends, and they were having fun together. Now it was like they were trying to have fun <em> despite </em> each other, or just <em> out of spite </em> for each other, if it even made a difference. </p><p>In the end of that high school party, Becky didn't even get the boy she was after, but it was worth it just dancing and having fun with her friend. It was worth it to be so close to her, to smell her distinctly expensive perfume, to feel their skins touching and their bodies pressing together… wait, what the fuck was she thinking? She glanced down at the empty bottle of beer in her hand. Did she have that many already? She didn't feel that drunk, but this kind of thought had to be alcohol induced, right?</p><p>Shit, this wasn't supposed to happen! But she just kept on dancing and holding up that intense stare. Why Linda didn't look away as well? She could feel the blonde's anger from that distance, as if she could kill with her eyes. This should be enough for Becky to want to look away, walk away from her, but instead she felt the urge to get closer. Why was this so fucked up?</p><p>"Hey! Becky, right?" she heard a voice by her side, and turning from Linda's gaze to see who called her was almost like breaking a trance. </p><p>It was a tall, handsome guy with dark hair and a strong jaw, smiling and waving at her. Becky immediately recognized him.</p><p>"Stanley!" it was that guy in a bike that Linda ran over in junior year. Becky went to the hospital everyday to take care of him until he got released to go home, but she hasn't seen him since. He was looking good, and it made her smile.</p><p>"So, you're in community college now?" he asked, getting a little closer so they could hear each other better over the music. </p><p>"Yeah, I just enrolled in this semester." </p><p>"Lemme guess, you're gonna do nursing school, right?" </p><p>He said that with a little side smile on his lips, and the way he looked at her was clearly flirtatious. Becky wasn't sure if what to do with it, after all she was waiting for Tom, right? But right now they were just talking, and there was nothing wrong with that.</p><p>"Well, actually I didn't decide it yet."</p><p>"Are you kidding? You totally have the knack for that! I mean, you took better care of me than any of the actual nurses there!" this made her smile, feeling her cheeks blush with the flattery.</p><p>"Now you're just being cute." she put a stand of hair behind her ear, unconsciously trying to look a little neater.</p><p>"No, I mean it, you should totally do it." back in junior year, Becky hadn't noticed how dazzling his smile was.</p><p>"Right, I'll think about it. And what about you, what have you been doing?"</p><p>"Well, for starters, I dumped that bike after the accident and got a car!" he joked, making her laugh out loud.</p><p>"You must be graduating by now, right?" she remembered he was in college in the time of the accident.</p><p>"Nah, I dropped out." he shrugged, and the redhead raised her eyebrows, unsure if it was appropriate to ask why. "But I still got some friends that go there, so I get to come to the parties, and they're the best thing of college, right?" This made her laugh again, and he laughed along.</p><p>"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Becky smiled, and then realised that she was being flirtatious too. </p><p>Was it wrong? She still loved Tom, just thinking about him made her heart ache… but how long would she wait for him? Was it worth wasting her life? Was it fair? </p><p>"So, me and some buddies are going to an after party after this, you wanna hang?"</p><p><em> Get a grip, Barnes, life is not a fairy tale! </em> Maybe she shouldn't have listened to this harsh Linda-sounding thought. Maybe she should have turned her head to look at the actual Linda that was standing many feet away. Maybe if she'd seen the broken, enraged look in the short girl's face, she could have changed her mind. But she didn't, she just stared into Stanley's dark eyes and smiled at him, mindlessly fidgeting with her own hair.  </p><p>"Sure, I bet it'll be fun."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Linda's outburst was loosely inspired by "Someone Gets Hurt" from Mean Girls ;)<br/>Also, I made a spotify playlist to get in barnroe mood, if anyone's interested I could share the link ^-^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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